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Help needed - last ditch attempt for resolution

06.04.2022 9:46:43


Hi, I have no clue if you can help us or not. My husband left 3 years ago. Looking back now it think it was as scare tactic. We talked and agreed I would find out about what we could or couldn't do legally. Then talked some more. He was very persistent about not going down the legal road and we agreed it was silly to do a legal separation as the cost was too great and it was not necessary at that point. The relationship didn't get any better and he started being very horrible. I came to the realisation that I had actually been in a manipulative and controlled marriage for 24 years (had been with him on and off for 10 years before that). when he left our children were 28 and 21, we had bought our council house 2 years previously using my inheritance for the deposit. He had always wanted to buy a house but I had not, it felt at the time the right thing to do with my parents hard earned money. (He was not mentioned in the will and the money did not go through a joint account, straight from my Dad's estate to my account then to the solicitor for the house, I also used the inheritance to pay off our debts). I have always worked (when the children were small only part time but then he was working shifts and I was doing most of the childcare and running around etc). Therefore I feel very much that it is a 50/50 up until I put the money down for the house purchase. This purchase came with conditions. if we sold within 5 years there was money due back to the council. He went of to work in the USA late 2019 and I called a solicitor to see if they could advise me on my next steps. Unfortunately they couldn't as they had already had consultation with him. This scared me a little as he had said he wasn't going down the legal road. So I found another solicitor and started the ball rolling my end. He reacted really badly and has accused me of all sorts over the last 3 years. We have gone back and forth so many times it has got so ridiculous. I have had some bad advice from my previous solicitor who has now left the company this has not helped my case. He forced me to sell the house last year and this meant we lost out and we are still no further forward. If the house had sold this year after February 22nd we have probably in the region of £70000.00 more in the solicitor account than we currently do. He earns nearly double what I do and I believe he is living with his girlfriend. I am living in a friends spare room, I do have a boyfriend, I have no intention of living with him at all ever as it not that kind of relationship.
The issue is that I don't have any money, I am in debt as I had to pay the mortgage on the house on my own, I did have lodgers that helped but the last months I did not. so I have debt to pay off from that and a massive solicitor bill (they are allowing me to pay this when the settlement is done) I don't have the money for Mediators, Miam and court fees and this is kind of where it has got to. I have email my husband this week to see if we can go back and revisit a previous offer (I ended up rejecting it due my solicitors advice, the new one has advised me differently) I am praying and hoping he will see the light and come on board with me. But I am honestly not holding out much hope. All the way through i have made offers, trying to get him on board before the house went on the market, with options of how we could help each other out to get the best outcome. There is also a few pensions involved. At the beginning I was happy for him to keep his but now I need my share or off setting. He has wrecked our children neither of them have anything to do with him, not my doing at all. He manipulated our son and then just threw him away when he was done with him. Because our Daughter wouldn't put up with his attitude and saw through him he stopped seeing her. Everyone in the family thinks it is my fault and he is the victim, it does make me want to scream from the roof tops about the abuse both mental and physical that I went through for so many years and let people know what he actually is but I don't, I just rise above it and try to support my children. I need to bring this to conclusion but feel that i have it in me and definitely do not have the money to go through the court process.

Replies (1)

Holly from amicable
20.07.2022 14:29:48

Hi April, thanks for reaching out to amicable. I'm very sorry to hear about your situation, it sounds incredibly painful and difficult. I would suggest trying to reach out to your husband to engage with a coaching session where your agreement can be looked at by a neutral 'third-party', your divorce coach, who will be able to tell you what a judge is likely to deem 'fair'. We are also more affordable than solicitors and more comprehensive than mediation, because we can write up your agreement into a consent order, which goes to a judge to be review. I wish you the best of luck. Please feel free to book a 15-minute advice call with us, where we will be able to give you more information.


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